During the last recession I took a job paying a LOT of money, like 6 figures.
Which was pretty exciting. Til I realized that meant working from 7 to 7. With a husband in law school and no kids, that sounded manageable. (Let’s be honest, 12-hour days on repeat are never manageable.)
What I didn’t know was that I’d need a raincoat. Because on top of the ungodly schedule, there was another drawback to the job: toxic feedback.
The typical employee got FIVE pieces of non-constructive feedback every day. Yes, I counted and made pivot tables to analyze the pattern.
Dealing with criticism
To handle the daily barrage of “helpful” advice, I pretended to wear a raincoat. Each comment would land on my coat (not me) and slide down to the floor. None of it really registered with me.
With my hood on my head, I couldn’t hear what was being thrown at me. Worked like a charm!
When I got my five for the day, I took off my raincoat and got shit done.
Needless to say, I don’t remember any of the feedback being particularly useful. It was mostly vague, or a failed attempt to hide the giver’s bruised ego. In other words, they, too, were exhausted by the 12-hour shifts and by getting criticized ad infinitum – and wanted to share the pain. It made for a really awesome work environment.
Perhaps you’ve been there, too. If so, I hope you wore a raincoat to deal with the onslaught. But there’s a better way – to give and GET effective feedback.
Getting helpful feedback
Fast forward to my next job. Where I got actual feedback I could use. And the raincoat stayed in the closet.
The first time I facilitated a corporate workshop, my mentor sat at the back of the classroom observing me. I encouraged participants to share their stories and made connections between them and the course content. Then I taught for a while and asked, “Does that make sense?” Everyone nodded dutifully.
This was the rhythm I employed: ask for stories, teach a bit, check to make sure the group was tracking.
That’s how it went until break. When my mentor pulled me aside and asked, “Do you realize you’ve said, ‘Does that make sense?’ three times this morning?”
No, but so what? I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page.
She continued, “No one’s gonna tell you it doesn’t make sense. And risk looking DUMB in front of a bunch of other people.”
Um, wow. I thought I was checking in with folks. Instead I was asking them over and over again to face their intellectual insecurities.
Listening for facts
Here was feedback I could use.
Why? Because it was based in facts, it was specific, and it focused on actions I had taken that I could choose to alter. It also gave me insight into how my words might affect the people in the room. Instead of teaching them, maybe I was offending them, questioning their abilities.
There was nothing vague about what she shared with me. The facts were undeniable – had anyone videotaped that session, we could have watched me ask that simple question all three times. Ugh!
From then on I tried her alternative: “Does anyone have a question?”
But to be honest, on occasion I slip up. Because old habits die hard.
So when you hear me asking if this all makes sense, do me a favor. First, ask me if I’m wearing a raincoat. Then, ask me to listen up, and give it to me straight.
Sharing tips with you
Now perhaps you do have a question, like, “What other tips can you share about giving effective feedback?”
Well, I can hook you up with a FREE 15-minute, virtual workshop on exactly that topic:
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